Paint Your Pictures
by hollynn28
Summary: Renee has always been a free spirit and Charlie has always been stable. How did they come together and what happened to them that it didn't work? A one shot in Charlie's POV. Inspired by a song of Joshua Kadison's.


A/N : This has not been Beta'd. I have a couple of multiple chapter stories I am working on and would like to find a Beta to work with. This will give you an idea of my writing style and where I make my mistakes.

This story is inspired by the song "Jesse" by Joshua Kadison. Listen to it while you read.

I own nothing.

Paint Your Pictures

The phone ringing brought me out of my late night slumber on the sofa. I must have fallen asleep watching sports center again. My life really was rather simple _now._ Rubbing my face with my hand I knew the phone call could not be good, mostly because some yahoo was trying to sell me so crazy ladder on the TV which told me that for sure it was well into the early morning hours. I knew who was on the phone. I didn't need caller ID to tell me. My home phone only rang for three people. Billy, my best friend since high school that lived down on the rez, would call to ask about watching the latest game on my flat screen, telemarketers trying to sell me the latest life insurance or time share, or Renee.

A huge part of me didn't want to answer that phone. Billy would already be asleep, and telemarketers don't call this late or early however you want to look at it. So that left Renee. Her phone calls always cost me. Not necessarily financially, but more often than not emotionally. The ringing stopped for now but I knew she would call back shortly. I loved… no love Renee. We were high school lovers. Big dreams and little planning. We would talk about leaving our small little piece of the world as we sat on First Beach and watched the waves roll in. We talked about going away to college, but first we would back pack through Europe. Staying at hostiles and just being free. Dreams of living on the beach in some warm destination, Cancun or somewhere. No responsibilities or ties to anything.

That all changed in February of our senior year. Our dreams were shattered and other dreams were built. I will never forget that day. I have never been so scared in my life. Renee had stopped by unexpected. One look at her face and I knew. I knew the words out of her mouth would not be big dreams of where we would travel or places we would see. We went down to first beach. It was where we had all our big talks. Renee looked at me and with tears in her eyes told me that we screwed up. Our big dreams needed planning and the biggest planning should have been birth control. I knew right then and there that my life changed. Our talks became talks of jobs, marriage and providing for our child.

Renee and I married in July. It wasn't large or attended by tons of people. Just a small ceremony right outside the county court house. Her parents and my parents were there. Bully was my best man and Renee had her sister as her maid of honor. No other bridal party involved. We then had a small family dinner at the Lodge in town to celebrate. The owner knowing it was our wedding day brought out a piece of cake for everyone. We settled into a very small house, 2 bedrooms and 1 bath. Right down the street from my parent's house. I got onto the towns police force. Those first years were so tough. I of course got the crap shifts. I worked nights and weekends and all holidays.

Isabella Marie Swan or Bella as we called her was born in September. She was the perfect baby. Always content to sit and watch those around her. She rarely cried or fused. I am truly grateful for that. Renee didn't take to motherhood very well. We were both so young. Anytime one or the other of our parents offered advice she felt that they were judging her. She missed the freedom that came from not having a child. Trips to first beach now consisted of loading up half the house. Play pens, back packs, diapers, bottles. So much stuff. Really more work than not. Then once there we had to watch for all sorts of danger. Rogue waves, wild animals, unforgiving sun. The weight of the world was now on our young shoulders.

Renee tried she really did. But she could just not give up her dreams. She first painted the kitchen yellow. To remind her of the bright sun that so very rarely shined here. She then started play groups with other mothers. Those just depressed her more. She felt they all had just given up on living and all of them were content with not having anything more. It didn't help that I couldn't be around. I worked so hard. The force was fine but it didn't pay the bills at first. I took extra jobs to make what little money I could. But no matter what I did it wasn't enough. I couldn't give her the freedom that she had always dreamed of.

Right before Bella's first birthday, Renee lay in our bed begging me to pack and leave with her. She talked of a getting an RV and just driving. We could live wherever the wind took us. No jobs, no bills, no struggles to keep us back. Just us, our family, on the open road. She talked of seeing Florida, Texas, and New York. The more she talked the more I could see it. I wanted it. I wanted it more than she could imagine. I was tired, she was tired. This was not what we had dreamed of. We grabbed the first jar we could find and started putting every spare penny in it. It was our leaving fund. It was to buy our RV. The problem was, just as soon as the jar would get somewhere, the money was needed elsewhere. First it was the hot water heater, then Bella fell and needed stitches at the hospital. It just seemed that the money would leave the jar as soon as it got anywhere near where we needed it to be.

Slowly, very slowly I could see Renee giving up. The light in her eyes wasn't nearly as bright. When we talk about our travels she wouldn't be as excited about it. She was dying. Not physically, but emotionally she was gone. When Bella was 18 months, Renee's dad passed away. Renee's mom couldn't stay in our small town with all the memories so she packed up her house and moved to California. There went a huge support that Renee relied on in helping her. Bella spent much time at Renee's mom house so Renee didn't have to be a mom. With her gone Renee felt even more suffocated. Looking back now I should have known. It wasn't the beginning of the end; it was more like the straw that broke the camel's back.

Almost exactly a year after our first bed talk of leaving, Renee told me she couldn't stay any longer. She was leaving and I could either go with her or I could stay. She couldn't wait any longer. This town and the responsibilities were killing her. I knew it. I could see it in her eyes. I could feel it in the way she and I made love. It wasn't the wild and carefree anymore. It was weighted and heavy. It was planned, scheduled and quick. As much as I wanted to throw away everything and climb in our car and just go I knew I couldn't. I loved her, I still loved her and the only thing I could do for her was let her go. I would tie myself down to this little town and to my suffocating life so that Renee could be free.

Our jar didn't have much in it. Not enough to buy the RV and to just leave but there was enough to get Renee to California where her mom was. I helped her pack what she could in the trunk of her little car. I sat for an hour just holding my baby girl. I knew it would be a while before I would be able to do that. Renee gave me my time with her. We sat in the rocking chair in her room. I held, smelt and tried my best to remember all there was to remember that I could about her. I remember loading her for the last time into her car seat. I held the tears back. Renee begged me one last time to come with her. I held her tight to my chest and whispered my love for her. I promised to be there when she was ready to come home. Then I let her leave. I watched then drive off, the love of my life driving and the reason for my existence strapped in the back. I don't know how long I stood there. It was dark before I finally ventured back inside and then wandered up into the nursery and then just sat there in the rocker. I was so sure she would be back. Eventually, I had to go back to work. I had to pick up the weights and put them back on my shoulder. I would allow Renee to be free by carrying it all.

I would slip as much money as I could to Renee's mom. It was easy now to work those long shifts and extra jobs. I had no reason to go home. The bright yellow kitchen did not remind me of sun it reminded me of what I no longer had. The first late night, early morning phone call after she left was the toughest. Her dreams were back. I could hear it in her voice. She talked of warm beaches and no bills. Little did she know that the no bills were because I was paying them. I wanted to pack my bags and close the house up and join her on her warm beaches. I wanted to drive until we ran out of gas and then wander from there. My heart ached to be free, to be whole, and to be with them. But I couldn't. My world had shifted from the young naïve boy and dreams of backing through Europe to the adult with responsibilities and people to account for.

The second call came and I did actually pack a bag. We spent a week in a run down, insect infested motel just off the Gulf of Mexico. A week was all I had the money for. When the bill came due and money was short, we loaded up and I dropped her back off at her mom's while I made the long drive home. My heart broke even more than when they originally left. I was so sure that her dreams would bring her back to me. To watch her decide not to return made me realize even more that it just could not work. I picked up right back at working all the time. It paid off and I was able to move up in the ranks at the station. I didn't need the extra jobs as much.

Renee's mom passed away shortly after our vacation on the Gulf. Renee had some money from her and that held her over for a while. She actually started to make some more grown up decisions. She got a stable job as a kindergarten teacher. I don't know if it was because Bella had started school and she couldn't imagine being away from her during the day or if the money from her mom was getting thin. I still padded her bank account whenever I could. But little by little I realized that Renee's dreams were not my dreams.

The third call, Renee promised that she had settled down. She was now in southern Utah and wanted me to join her. We would be a family. She couldn't come back to the Washington peninsula but she wanted me with her and with our child. I gave my notice at the station, had my farewell party, packed up the house and headed out. I was able to get on the force there. We settled into a sort of routine. I was back to new guy on the force which of course meant poor schedule and long hours. I wasn't there a month when Billy called me to tell me his wife had been in a car accident and passed away. I begged Renee to come with me. Billy was my best friend. It would only be for such a short time to help him mourn the loss of his partner. Renee wouldn't even make the one week visit with me. She said she just couldn't do it. There was something about this town that sucks you in and you never leave.

I made the drive by myself. I stayed with Billy through the funeral and wake. I helped him settle his daughters and son and as I was getting ready to make the drive back to Renee in Southern Utah another of her late night early morning calls came.

This time she just didn't think we could continue. She hated Utah and wanted to move. I was welcome to join her. She wasn't sure where yet. She would let me know once she was settled. I begged her to stay put or come join me back at our home in Washington. She said she couldn't and that she would mail my stuff back up to my home. Our house had not sold yet. I moved back into it and headed right back down to the station and got my old job back.

When she called again to tell me where they had settled I told her I loved her and that I would be waiting at home for her. I could not join her again. I begged her to grow up. I think that was the first time Renee and I actually argued over her choice. I needed her, but I also needed stability. I no longer craved the freedom. I realized the naïve boy had grown up and I wanted more. More team work, more give and less take. I started the divorce papers. Bella had just turned four and I was ready to move on, not from Bella but from the cost of loving Renee. Our divorce went quickly. I got visitation of Bella every summer and every other Christmas. I settled into a routine, work, fishing on the weekend with Billy and sleep. I talked to Bella on the phone twice a week. I loved her visits every summer.

Renee would still make her late night early morning phone calls. They were pretty regular at first. Before the divorce was final she tried to talk me into moving to West Virginia with her and Bella. I told her I couldn't but she could always come home. That time I didn't cry. I knew the choice had to be hers and hers alone. After that it seemed that the calls would come whenever she was in between beaus. I realized then that she needed me for no more than I was her stable. She knew I would always answer her late night, early morning calls. I would listen to her dreams. I would tell her how much I loved her and how much I wanted her home. But I was not enough for her. She needed to be free. She needed to spread her wings and she didn't think she could do that here.

When Bella turned 12 she begged me to not make her come to Washington anymore. They had finally settled in Phoenix. They had been there for some time, 6 months, but that was a long time for Renee. Bella was making friends and she didn't want to leave them for her visit. I took my vacation and meet her in California. We spent a few weeks just walking the shores and hitting all the tourist's traps. We had a lot of fun and decided that was how we would spend every summer. I didn't know what to do with a teenage girl so if it made her happy then it was fine by me.

My roots continued to grow deep though in Washington. I stopped waiting for Renee to come home. I realized she never would. The late night, early morning phone calls were getting further and further apart. I think she finally realized that I couldn't leave as much as she couldn't come home. I didn't cry when we would hang up from our calls anymore. I finally took pictures of Renee down off the wall. Bella's pictures took their place. When the late night, early morning phone calls came I no longer told her how much I loved her, or how much I wanted her to come home. I listened to her and then I told her about me. We talked about Bella and the dreams we talked about pertained to her. What we wanted for her. Occasionally she would beg me and tell me we could make it work. But we both knew it wouldn't. We always ended by saying we loved each other but no longer did I give her everything she wanted and she no longer promised me things she couldn't follow through on. That didn't mean that the phone calls didn't emotionally cost me. It reminded me of what I no longer had and what I would never have with her. They reminded me of the years I lost waiting, of the life I had planned as a high school student that I would never get. How even though I no longer wanted to travel the world, I also didn't get the dream of my girl forever and my daughter unlimited.

The phone started to ring again. It has only been an hour since the last call, which one of two things. Renee had big news or she was depressed and needed a shoulder. I figured either way I needed to answer. If I didn't she would only keep calling back till I did. The intervals between calls would only get closer and closer together till I did answer. Muting the TV I headed to the kitchen to answer the phone on the wall and to start the coffee pot, I am sure I would need it today.

"Renee?" I answered the phone.

"Daddy?" Came the voice on the other end.

"Bella, what's wrong, is everything okay?" She never instigated a phone call. Either I called her or she would talk to me after Renee had her say.

"No dad, everything is fine. Did you hear Renee is getting married?" Shock hit me. I knew she was seeing someone, but it hadn't been that long really 2 maybe 3 months.

"Um… no, how do you feel about it?" I was still trying to figure why Bella was calling without coming right out. I couldn't imagine what she was feeling. I know that she had grown up quickly. I saw that on our visits. Many times I wanted to beg her to come home with me after our visits but I realized that if she couldn't bring herself to visit here there was no way that she would come to live here.

"It's fine as long as she is happy."

"Does he treat you good?" Neither one of us was a conversationalist but I still wanted to make sure she was fine.

"Yea, he's fine. He is not much older than me. But he makes mom happy and she doesn't need me as much with him around." I could almost hear the sadness sin her voice, as well as, something else.

"Bells, what are you saying? You sound like you have something on your mind."

"Well, dad, I've been thinking. Mom and Phil are getting married in a week. Then they will be newlyweds and with Phil traveling I am often on my own because mom wants to travel with him. I really don't have a need to be here in Phoenix. I don't have anything tying me here and well it would be nice to give mom some time to just be." I could hear the tenure in her voice. She wanted to be wanted. I myself had often had that tone when I would talk to Renee.

Bella was being just like me. She was setting her mom free and hoping beyond hope that she would come back to her. I knew Renee. I had done the same. I set her free to see if she really belong to me and I learned the hard way that she didn't. But that didn't mean that Bella had to learn that lesson. I belonged to her and she belonged to me and I had failed as a parent up until now by not making sure she knew that. I could not, would not allow her to continue to believe that she wasn't good enough. For once the late night early morning phone call was one I could place some hope on.

"Bella, would you like to come home, would you like to come live with me? I know you are in the middle of the school year and all, but I could get you registered here and I would love to have you. Your room is still waiting for you." I wasn't begging but I would if I needed. I finally had hope. Hope of what I could have. Hope that at least some of my dreams could be what I always wanted.

"Could I dad? You wouldn't mind? I promise I won't get in the way. I can help around the house cooking, cleaning, you know." I could hear the hope in her now too, hope that she too could be wanted not needed. Hope that she could be a child again, if even for a short time.

"Come home, Bella. Come home." I could barely speak at the end. The lump in my throat was cutting off the air. I may never get my high school love back but I could get daughter. Bella was coming home.

"K, dad. I will talk to mom today and I am sure she will want to call you and talk about it. But I am thinking that I could come right after the wedding next week. I will ship most of my stuff up and then just fly in with a suit case of stuff till the rest of it gets there."

"Whatever you need to do kid, whatever you need."

"Well I am going to go and talk with mom. I will have her call you and you can figure this all out. I love you dad."

"I love you too Bells. And I am glad you're coming home. Really glad."

A/N: Check out my profile for story recs. I have read a ton and love them all.


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